If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
