I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
