Can i not drive my cunt home
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize