Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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