It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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