My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
