I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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