I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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