Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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