Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
