I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
