My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
