Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
