i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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