Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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