Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
its not stalking. its research.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
