I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
