You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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