i was born a porn star she said
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
