I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
