Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the day after is always just damage control
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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