sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
