At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
