thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
