She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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