no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
