glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
