that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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