when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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