i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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