i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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