GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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