Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
