remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
