The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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