Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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