Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
