Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
