I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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