How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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