I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize