How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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