im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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