She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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