You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The uberlube is also flammable
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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