I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
