If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
