It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is wine microwaveable?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
