I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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