the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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