She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
