I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
